karmalight

Doing Good...Caretakers of Her Legacy

2011-10-18T18:17:00.000-04:00

The Goal of Prayer: St Teresa of Avila

2011-10-13T18:47:00.000-04:00

Embrace the cross your Spouse bore on His shoulders; know that your motto should be: ‘Most happy she who suffers most if it be for Christ! All else should be looked upon as secondary: if our Lord give it you, render Him grateful thanks. You may imagine you would be resolute in enduring external trials if God gave you interior consolations: His Majesty knows best what is good for us; it is not for us to advise Him how to treat us, for He has the right to tell us that we know not what we ask. ‘Nescitis quid petatis.’ Remember, it is of the greatest importance—the sole aim of one beginning to practise prayer should be to endure trials, and to resolve and strive to the utmost of her power to conform her own will to the will of God. Be certain that in this consists all the greatest perfection to be attained in the spiritual life, as I will explain later. She who practises this most perfectly will receive from God the highest reward and is the farthest advanced on the right road. Do not imagine that we have need of a cabalistic formula or any other occult or mysterious thing to attain it; our whole welfare consists in doing the will of God. If we start with the false principle of wishing God to follow our will and to lead us in the way we think best, upon what firm foundation can this spiritual edifice rest?~ Saint Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle, Mansion 2, Number 15

This Is My Story, This Is My Song

2009-12-19T17:29:00.011-05:00

Brother, recently you asked me, "What is your story?" I thought for a moment, and I provided you a sort of resume that highlights the salient points of a wide and varied background, which is totally God's gift. All of these experiences contribute to my efforts to persevere in my Carmelite vocation today.

• I am a clergy convert. In 1976, I was ordained a transitional Deacon in the United Methodist Church, while I was still in seminary at Emory University. The Methodists amend their Discipline, i.e. their canon law, every four years; and, they also place great emphasis on polity, i.e. their unique form of government. In fact, every Methodist seminarian must spend an entire semester studying nothing but Methodist polity and the Discipline. I guess you could say that’s where I first learned to read the law. Part of Methodist polity are the Conferences, similar to deaneries and dioceses. My Conference encompassed the southern half of Indiana, and my first two pastoral assignments in South Indiana were in different Districts. In those successive cities, I had other responsibilities in the local community (such as a live radio show) and I also had major responsibilities on behalf of the Conference. For example, I was named to the Board of Trustees of Methodist Hospital, the largest hospital in the state of Indiana. I was appointed Secretary of the South Indiana Annual Conference; it’s kind of an honorary job, but during the proceedings of the conference, it was my responsibility to record everything that happened during each session. Without aid of a computer. Sitting at the Bishop’s right hand, with fear and trembling.

• For over 25 years, I worked in local churches as a music director; and, I served several years on Archdiocesan liturgy or music commissions. I learned how to read Church documents and how to write Church policy. I learned how to read and give a layman’s interpretation of canon law. I learned how to read and cite General Instructions, Vatican II Constitutions, Bishops Conference Guidelines by “chapter and verse.” I learned how to write position papers, and I had plenty of writing deadlines to meet to publish columns for professional journals and church bulletins. I have given retreats, days of recollection, Cursillo talks, post-Communion reflections, taped daily tv devotions; and, I've probably missed an some other relevant Church experience.

• I used to work in juvenile justice and delinquency prevention. First, I worked on a VISTA grant for three years organizing youth service programs and informing youth of their juvenile rights under Indiana’s newly-published Juvenile Code. I had to learn how to read the entire Juvenile Code, as well as to speak intelligently with the Juvenile Judge, the Juvenile Division Prosecutor, the Juvenile Probation Officers, Corrections Officers, CASA’s, GAL’s, Public Defender’s and other elected public officials... in five different counties! My Daytimer was stuffed; my young brain was efficient and organized enough to manage over 30 projects at the same time in pre-computer days, and my body was up to the stress of the work. Again, there was plenty of writing that was required, because I had to prepare most of my training materials and always was called upon to write a column for some professional bulletin. And, did I mention that there were monthly reports to file with the grant officer?

A few years later, I was project manager of a US Dept of Justice-OJJDP grant working with the State Public Defender; I carried a signed, sealed order from the Indiana Supreme Court in a secure brief case that authorized me to inspect and monitor any city or county correctional facility in the State of Indiana at any time, unannounced, day or night. The intent and purpose of these jail inspections was to determine if juveniles were being housed with adult offenders without the proper sight and sound barriers required by State and Federal law. Once again, I had to read, explain, and write about the law and file grant reports. We were so successful, I worked myself out of a job in time to make a flight to Haifa Israel to enter the Carmelite nuns' novitiate in July 1991!

• I have served as a Community President. In Louisville, Kentucky a small community that had not yet been canonically established came to me and asked me to serve as their first President, and to help get them organized. I accepted, but it gave me great grief because there were many Members in irregular statuses according to the legislation of the Order. Although they asked me to help get them organized, I don’t think that they fully "counted the cost," as Scripture says. After two years, I resigned and left the Community, explaining to them that I could no longer in good conscience lead a Community that refused to make the necessary changes to follow the legislation of the Order. There were two OCDS Communities in Louisville, so I simply transferred to the larger, canonically established community. After I moved from Louisville to Terre Haute, I was told by a sister in OCDS that the smaller community finally chose to follow the legislation of the Order.

• After I moved to Terre Haute, Indiana, I transferred to the OCDS Community in that city. Eventually, I was selected to serve as Formation Director to replace the ailing Director who could no longer continue in the post as she battled cancer. It was a growing community with formation sessions for definitive professed; temporary professed; novices; and, aspirants/newcomers. That community continues to grow, and they are blessed to meet at the monastery of the OCD nuns. For many years one of the nuns has served as Spiritual Assistant, and for a brief period a Discalced friar from India was in residence while he completed an advanced degree in educational media. He also was able to assist with formation sessions and community conferences, making himself for confession and spiritual direction as time permitted; his studies were the primary purpose for his presence in Terre Haute.

So Brother, here’s a kind of curriculum vitae for you to ponder. Like the old hymn says, "This is my story, this is my song, Praising my Savior, all the day long."

Story of a Resume

2009-12-19T15:40:00.014-05:00

There's a long-standing tradition among Carmelites that some individual members of the community may be ordered by their superior to write their autobiography. Under the evangelical counsel of obedience, the member undertakes to complete this daunting task. Some of our greatest works of spiritual literature have been handed down to us from these local superiors who shared them with higher Church authorities, because they recognized an aura of holiness not only in the member, but also in the member's writings.

Thus, the autobiographies of St Teresa of Jesus of Avila and of St Therese of the Child Jesus of Lisieux were written under obedience. Later, they were extremely useful in formulating the cause for their beatification and canonization as Saints of the Catholic Church. Then in 1975, the Church turned once again to St Teresa's autobiography and collected works; therein the Church authorities declared that they found emanent doctrine in her writings, and therefore declared her to be a Doctor of the Church. Again in 1997, the Holy Father declared St Therese of the Child Jesus to be a Doctor of the Church.

So, these Carmelite teachers and theologians who called themselves "wretched" and "little" have been lifted up for all of the faithful not only to emulate, but also to study, to write of and to publish, to teach about and to practice their emanent doctrine and profound spirituality.

Furthermore - and to a much lesser degree - Carmelites ask charitable favors of one another all the time. "Would you write a poem for me?" "Would you draw a holy card for me?" "Would you read and record this passage from St Therese for me?" Often these requests for favors seem to occur around the time of some member's feast day or a holiday.

One recurring suggestion that has been presented to me by other Carmelites is, "you should write your autobiography." Usually that suggestion is preceded by the Carmelite hearing some portion of my curriculum vitae, i.e. my resume. I always smile and refuse the suggestion, because the Carmelite and sanjuanist way is to prefer to remain hidden and unknown.

In the past, no Carmelite had actually requested to read my resume. However, that just changed. A brother in Carmel has been discussing publicly the topic of our December 2009 - January 2010 poll. He developed a detailed list of questions for reflection and discussion, inviting responses that might propose new policies and procedures for the OCDS appeals process. Based on my experience, it was fairly simple for me to respond and to offer one model for such a process.

His reaction was rather straightforward and evangelical: Where do you get all this? Is this out on the internet? What is your story? And, can you tell me more about how you come upon such resources? It's true, his questions could be summed up thus: "could I please see your resume?"

Now, I don't have a Carmelite resume. I don't think that anyone of us does. An official Carmelite curriculum vitae is essentially an outline of events and dates (i.e. admission to formation, clothing, profession, etc), and offices held with dates of service, if applicable. That's it. But, I understood what the brother wanted to know when he asked, "what is your story?"

So, I decided to share some of that story here, just like I shared it with that brother by e-mail. A resume always should be custom crafted to fit the demands of the job, so I included the life experiences that contributed to my ability to respond to the brother's questions concerning our survey topic on the OCDS appeals process. Maybe my resume posted here will give someone a spark of creativity to consider writing a spiritual resume, too.

(resume follows)

Celebrating a Miracle

2009-12-18T21:17:00.006-05:00

The Jewish holiday of Hannukah celebrates a miracle of God. Like the Jews remember the miracle of the Red Sea at Passover, so also they celebrate the miracle of the rebuilding of the Temple at Jerusalem by Judas Maccabees and his army during the holiday of Hanukkah. With this miracle, the Lord kept the temple lamp burning for eight days, when tradition holds that there was only enough ritually pure olive oil to burn for one day. The story of the original eight-day celebration is found in Maccabees 4:36-59.

36 Then Judas, and his brethren said: Behold our enemies are discomfited: let us go up now to cleanse the holy places and to repair them. 37 And all the army assembled together, and they went up into mount Sion. 38 And they saw the sanctuary desolate, and the altar profaned, and the gates burnt, and shrubs growing up in the courts as in a forest, or on the mountains, and the chambers joining to the temple thrown down. 39 And they rent their garments, and made great lamentation, and put ashes on their heads: 40 And they fell face down to the ground on their faces, and they sounded with the trumpets of alarm, and they cried towards heaven. 41 Then Judas appointed men to fight against them that were in the castle, till they had cleansed the holy places. 42 And he chose priests without blemish, whose will was set upon the law of God: 43 And they cleansed the holy places, and took away the stones that had been defiled into an unclean place. 44 And he considered about the altar of holocausts that had been profaned, what he should do with it. 45 And a good counsel came into their minds, to pull it down: lest it should be a reproach to them, because the Gentiles had defiled it; so they threw it down. 46 And they laid up the stones in the mountain of the temple in a convenient place, till there should come a prophet, and give answer concerning them. 47 Then they took whole stones according to the law, and built a new altar according to the former: 48 And they built up the holy places, and the things that were within the temple: and they sanctified the temple, and the courts. 49 And they made new holy vessels, and brought in the candlestick, and the altar of incense, and the table into the temple. 50 And they put incense upon the altar, and lighted up the lamps that were upon the candlestick, and they gave light in the temple. 51 And they set the loaves upon the table, and hung up the veils, and finished all the works that they had begun to make. 52 And they arose before the morning on the five and twentieth day of the ninth month (which is the month of Casleu) in the hundred and forty-eighth year. 53 And they offered sacrifice according to the law upon the new altar of holocausts which they had made. 54 According to the time, and according to the day wherein the heathens had defiled it, in the same was it dedicated anew with canticles, and harps, and lutes, and cymbals. 55 And all the people fell upon their faces, and adored, and blessed up to heaven, him that had prospered them. 56 And they kept the dedication of the altar eight days, and they offered holocausts with joy, and sacrifices of salvation, and of praise. 57 And they adorned the front of the temple with crowns of gold, and escutcheons, and they renewed the gates, and the chambers, and hanged doors upon them. 58 And there was exceeding great joy among the people, and the reproach of the Gentiles was turned away. 59 And Judas, and his brethren, and all the church of Israel decreed, that the day of the dedication of the altar should be kept in its season from year to year for eight days, from the five and twentieth day of the month of Casleu, with joy and gladness.

Capitulum OCD 2009

2009-05-07T11:21:00.007-04:00

The Discalced Carmelite friars are concluding their triennial General Chapter in Fatima, Portugal. In this Chapter, more than ever before, internet communications have taken a significant place in diffusing the message of the events transpiring in Fatima.

Today, for example, a brief video message from the new Father General, Saverio Cannistrà, has been translated into the major languages spoken by the friars of the Teresian Carmel. Our Holy Mother St Teresa's call to continual renewal, "let us begin again," certainly has been a hallmark of this 2009 Chapter.

The following excerpt from today's message gives a sense of the renewed vigor infused by the Holy Spirit in the life of Carmel today:

"How to be followers and witnesses of this history in different cultures and situations in the contemporary world?" asked the Superior General of Teresian Carmel, P. Saverio Cannistrà in a brief message to the Order a few hours before adjourning the General Chapter.

In a video message, the General of the Discalced Carmelites stated that "only in dialogue with Teresa can we, men and women Carmelites of the third millennium, discern the right path to that renewal that we ourselves, our churches and our world need.” In this sense "the General Chapter has invited the Order to seek the answer to this fundamental issue with the purpose of returning to the origins of our history, through reading and meditation both personally and in community of the writings of St. Teresa, in preparation for the fifth centenary of her birth, which will be celebrated at the end of the term in 2015, " said Father Saverio.

He concluded his message by saying, “I ask you to join us in giving thanks to God that He give us the grace to continue this journey in search of His face and His love, and ask Him not to forget the strong support of His arm and the delicate touch of His Spirit.”

Let all Discalced Carmelites - especially the Secular Order - support the friars in their mission and surround them with prayer.

Abstinence in Lent - the Carmelite way

2008-02-16T16:55:00.011-05:00

I would like to propose a Lenten practice that any Carmelite might consider: abstinence from unnecessary speech.

We have no less of a master than Our Holy Lawgiver, St Albert of Jerusalem to guide us:

"The Apostle would have us keep silence, for in silence he tells us to work. As the Prophet also makes known to us: Silence is the way to foster holiness. Elsewhere he says: Your strength will lie in silence and hope. For this reason I lay down that you are to keep silence from after Compline until after Prime the next day.

"At other times, although you need not keep silence so strictly, be careful not to indulge in a great deal of talk, for, as Scripture has it -- and experience teaches us no less -- sin will not be wanting where there is much talk, and he who is careless in speech will come to harm; and elsewhere: The use of many words brings harm to the speaker's soul. And our Lord says in the Gospel: Every rash word uttered will have to be accounted for on judgment day. Make a balance then, each of you, to weigh his words in; keep a tight rein on your mouths, lest you should stumble and fall in speech, and your fall be irreparable and prove mortal. Like the Prophet, watch your step lest your tongue give offence, and employ every care in keeping silent, which is the way to foster holiness." [Rule, 21; cf. http://www.washocdsprov.org/]

Silence is one of the hallmarks of Carmelite life. Interior silence enables contemplation; exterior silence or, as St Albert states, "[keeping] a tight rein on your mouths" enables us to grow in holiness. Are these not two worthy goals to which we may aspire this Lent, 2008?

The practice of interior silence, especially at prayer, is a key concept in Lectio Divina, and it also is mentioned in several places in the writings of Our Holy Mother Teresa of Jesus. Or, consider St John of the Cross' diagram of the Ascent of Mt Carmel: as we approach the summit, there is nothing, "nada, nada, nada." And, in his Counsels and Precautions Our Holy Father echoes the concept of "nada" in relationships when he advises a person to live as if she was the only person in the monastery and to abstain from meddling in the affairs of others.

How could we conduct a Lenten examination of conscience on the point of silence in our lives? Silence is not merely the absence of spoken words. It involves more than biting our tongues. Silence in the workplace, for example, could mean giving up our need to "be right" in discussions with co-workers or supervisors. At home, it could mean abstaining from the need to "get in the last word" when disagreeing with a spouse or sibling, child or parent. Further, silence is a stepping-stone to obedience and humility, two of the key virtues mentioned by St Teresa, one of our three Carmelite Doctors of the Church. Silence also could include spending less time composing e-mails or text messages, in which case I might be culpable for posting this message...

So at this point, I return to silence... what else could “keeping silent” mean for us?

Deb., ocds

That OTHER Tour - 2008 edition!

2007-11-28T19:39:00.000-05:00

Okay, friends, this fickle female says to forget about Fabio... prepare for Prébois!

It is true - Guillaume Prébois, the wonder-cyclist and journeyman journalist is coming to the U.S. of A. this summer, 2008 to compete in the Race Across America with wonder-cyclist Miguel Martinez. This tandem team will compete in what many seasoned road cyclists consider to be "the world's toughest bike race," a sheer folie: they will race, non-stop, from the Pacific to the Atlantic following an established route that every competitor - solo or team - must accomplish to finish this race, much less win it.

Yes, there are specific, mandatory locations along the US route where Guillaume and Miguel must stop to rest, like all the others. Last year, the Indianapolis time station was on that list (or should I say, Southport). This year the riders will pass through Bloomington, Indiana, the home of the "Little 500" and location for the classic American cycling film, "Breaking Away."

Myself, I have already contacted the RAAM organizers to serve as a volunteer worker at one of the Hoosier time stations, such as Sullivan, Bloomington or Greensburg. Or, I may request to serve at Parkersburg, West (by God) Virginia, where one of my aging aunts resides. Wherever, I hope to see, hear, smell and touch this incredible marathon of man, muscle, machine and macadam...

Ainsi soit-il!

Speaking of Saint Therese, Part I

2007-11-12T09:20:00.000-05:00

Our Discalced Carmelite Secular community in Indianapolis has been having some wonderful discussions each month concerning St Therese of the Child Jesus and of the Holy Face - better known as "The Little Flower" in the United States.

One of the first things that I noticed in our November discussion was how we were all able to make a connection between Therese's account of her grade school years, the many spiritual insights that she received, and the simple concepts that eventually formed her great spiritual message as a young adult, meeting death at age 24.

We talked about the link between suffering and love; about acceptance of others and acceptance of self; about her desire to become a great Saint; and, we considered her advice on how to become a saint - that it's not so much the great things that we do for God, but attention to putting love in the little things that truly matters

Here are some questions to ponder:

~ What aspects of St Therese's life attact you?

~ Which of her spiritual doctrines are the easiest to put into practice?

~ What link did you see between her life and yours?

~ What link did you see between her childhood and her adult spirituality?

Please use the comments link to post your replies so that others may see them and reflect with us.

That OTHER Tour

2007-07-28T17:21:00.000-04:00

Wow, it seems like forever since I've had an opportunity to put words on paper... um, I mean to post to this blog. But, you know what prompted me to pick up the laptop and surf this way? I wish that you all could read Fabio Biasiolo's blog, http://laltrotour.blogspot.com/

Fabio's blog was created this summer to show off his supercycling exploits as he rides through France with his sidekick, Guillaume Prébois. Fabio has finished on the podium in the Race Across America from Atlantic City NJ to Oceanside CA. Guillaume is a cycling journalist who has undertaken some crazy cycling projects, but non crazier than this:

Guillaume and Fabio have raced across France, following the various stages of the 2007 Tour de France, one day ahead of the professional cyclists. They have a small-but-mighty crew that follows them each day on the roads and cares for them each night. The idea was Guillaume's: after he heard Belgian sprinter Tom Boonen say after a tough day in the Pyrenees Mountains, "a normal man would have ended up in the hospital today" Guillaume decided to find out. Could a normal rider with some good training, initiative, self-discipline and self-denial be able to complete all of the Tour de France stages in 2007 without resorting to doping?

Well... they did it!

Today, July 28, 2007 Fabio and Guillaume (the names are almost interchangeable) crossed the finish line of the Champs Élysées in Paris. A doctor from Toulouse has traveled with their crew throughout the race, forcing Guillaume to undertake the same blood draws and urinalysis as the big boys do (with a French inspector looking over Guillaume's shoulder while he empties his bladder). The overall results in view of Guillaume's bill of health - physically, mentally and emotionally - are nothing short of miraculous.

Guillaume's accomplishments are phenomenal, but I've got a special place in my heart for Fabio, the 45-yr-old cycling master. Could you do what they've just done? Check out all of the action at the Paris newspaper, www.lemonde.fr and bring your Babelfish!

Mother Knows Best

2004-12-09T04:39:00.000-05:00

The Virgin Mary's little miracles are the among the best

Yesterday the Roman Catholic Church celebrated the 150th anniversary of the solemn proclamation that Mary, the mother of Jesus (a.k.a. Em-Yeshua) was miraculously conceived without sin. It's certainly no big stretch for me to celebrate that event with solemnity and a festive spirit, because I firmly believe in the truth of that 150-year-old proclamation

A co-worker who's interested in becoming a Catholic joined me at Mass last evening and we stopped to have dinner together after the liturgy. She remarked to me how much peace she experienced visiting the parish church with me, even meeting me at this point in her life. She said that she felt like one of those disciples who's ready for the master to show up. I certainly can agree, because my friend from work whom I'll call Lynn, is like a beautiful little sponge, soaking in everything Catholic that surrounds her. Since the liturgy that we attended last night was her first Mass, Lynn is more like a disciple who's just met her Mistress.

Having been raised as a Baptist, Lynn already has a deep love for Jesus on a personal level. Now, she is meeting the Church and Our Mother on a very personal and intimate level. As we left the nave after Mass, we paused to light a candle at the Marian shrine and to say a prayer that the Blessed Virgin would guide Lynn's journey toward Jesus in the Catholic Church.

What a miracle of grace, this conversion process that I witness in Lynn! It rekindles my own desire for continuing conversion - and the Lord knows how much I need that. I'm praying for Lynn, and I ask you gentle readers to pray for both of us, that we might walk together on this narrow path of conversion together in peace and serenity.

There was another little miracle yesterday; my music sorority pin, something that I had lost last winter suddenly appeared on my bedside stand yesterday morning. Needless to say, I immediately affixed it to a garment and intend to keep it there! Thanks, "Mom" for this little miracle on your special day.

Of Vivid Dreams and Earlier Rising

2004-12-06T06:19:00.000-05:00

I chose to rise earlier than usual today

I wanted to have more time to pray and write, and so I set my alarm for an entire hour earlier than I have for the last three weeks. Learning this new rhythm will be difficult, but not insurmountable. It seems to be a matter of budgeting what time I have available to me, so that I might be able to set an agenda, sort-of:

5:00 Mental Prayer
5:30 Breakfast and PC time
5:50 Lauds
6:05 Dress
6:15 Leave for Mass

My dry run didn't work so well this morning. By the time I finished my morning toilette (as the French call the face-washing, teeth-brushing routine) it was way too late to leave for Mass. So, I decided to give the Lord my good intentions and set the alarm for 4:45 tomorrow.

I just don't like to rush in the morning... frankly, because I can't do it anymore. The only way that I can rush in the morning is to leave out a step or two, and that's not a pleasant thought. So, rising earlier is paramount.

But, I find that rising early can be a drag, too, especially after a night of vivid dreams. Last night's subconscious fare was a review of everything that I've learned so far in training at my new job. How much fun is that? I cannot complain, though - my bedtime prayer was that the Lord would prepare me for the work week. I would say that my prayer was graciously heard.

Of course, all of these vivid dreams wake me up every 60 to 90 minutes, and that gets old, too. Aging isn't all it's cracked up to be! My desire is to cope with equanimity and grace... Lord, help me!

Life in the Dense Lane

2004-12-05T15:38:00.000-05:00

This new job is mentally draining, but fun

Finally, I have some free time to return to blogging. I've just completed three weeks of customer service training at Bright House Networks, and the amount of content to learn is staggering and quite dense. So, yesterday was spent sleeping and today I've been catching up on correspondence, and now a moment with my readers and my thoughts.

The lumbar spine is still giving me fits, but nowhere as severe as it was three weeks ago. That turned out to be the beginning of a nasty Behçet's flare involving my eyes, my skin and oral ulcers, too. It's very unusual for me to have four systems flaring at the same time... and it's quite painful, too. Thanks to Doug for his scripturally-loaded comment to my last post three weeks ago!

I've been rising early for prayer most mornings, and I'm not overly anxious about how often I fall asleep when I make my mental prayer. The good Lord knows that I'm showing up to be with him, and when he rouses me I simply tell him that I love him, that I'm totally his and that everything I have belongs to him. Then, it seems that I eventually fall asleep again, and we start the cycle all over for a full thirty minutes or more. By the end of mental prayer, I'm finally half-awake enough to pray Lauds and face the day.

Praised be Jesus that he should love me so much as to put me to sleep on his heart! Even though I may be seated in my room, Jesus loves me enough to calm my pain, to quiet my thoughts, and to cradle me in his arms so that I might rest in him. It's not a bad thing, you know... it's all good.

Bcoming Mistress of My Body

2004-11-15T06:44:00.000-05:00

Aches and pains may get me down, but this body will never get in the way of my quest for sanctity

I start my new job today and I have to admit that going back to bed seems like a wise thing to do. Apparently I've pulled a muscle in my back... either that, or my Behcet's Disease has inflamed my lumbar spine. When this has happened in the past, my remedy has been rest. But, I'm so wicked that there's no rest for me, today.

I recall the words of St Paul when he talks about mastering his body and making it obey him. I know that this is a lesson that I'm still learning. Friends who also suffer from Behcet's Disease wonder how I'm able to keep going in the midst of all the problems that I've had. I reply, "by the grace of God."

Well, Lord, I could use a big shot of your grace today as I begin this new employment. Be my strength today! Grant me the grace to learn quickly and accurately, and to excel in this work. Jesus, I trust you - help me to stay in today!

"Rien que pour aujourd'hui..."

Lord, Take My Anxiety

2004-11-10T02:31:00.000-05:00

Anxiety is a terrible waste of energy

Some of you may know that I've been searching for stable, full-time employment with benefits since the month of July. It has been a long, difficult road that dates back to the spring of 2003, when I originally found myself unemployed. This dark night is only for the hardiest souls.

To share the lot of the poor in darkness is a gift. There is plenty of suffering and anxiety to go around. Suffering well can be a form of love, but I have yet to meet the anxious moment that has as much virtue attached to it. Anxiety - borne from fear of the unknown - is, after all, only an emotion over which I am powerless.

I once loved a man who would always remind me, "if you're going to worry, why pray? If you're going to pray, why worry?" Tonight, it is not so much worry that has me flummoxed, as a gnawing anxiety about my state of affairs. Will I obtain employment? Will this only be another flash in the pan, generating little light and not much heat? (Winter is coming and I'm already thinking about utility bills to be paid)

O Lord, hear my prayer - let my cry come before you! You know how I am willing to work, how I even love to work, because I have come to value the dignity of work. Jesus, be merciful to me, a sinner. I beg you to have pity on me in my unemployment and to grant me the dignity of work and the security of insurance benefits. You alone are my provider, and I count on you - I trust in you. Do not abandon me in my hour of need! Jesus, I love you...

Creator of the Sunset

2004-11-07T20:41:00.000-05:00

"In the evening, you will be judged in love"

In the evening of this day, I was driving southbound on Interstate Highway 65 from Chicago. The sunset was stunning, and my face, my entire being was filled with gratitude to know that the Creator of that sunset loves me infinitely and intimately, and I love him as intimately as I can, too, in my finite way.

One day my finite nature will come face to face with the ultimate sense of it's "finity" - and the infinite God, my creator, redeemer, lover and sustainer will overwhelm me with infinity. In my theological poverty, this is how I understand the end of my earthly life. When I see a stunning sunset, I am drawn to smile at infinite Love, who is God.

I was smiling more than ever before the sun began to set because I had just spent a beautiful 24 hours in Chicago, most of it spent visiting an old friend, a Comboni missionary priest who has been transferred from Darfur, Sudan this year. He is now undertaking a new ministry to youth in one of Chicago's toughest neighborhoods - St. Marin de Porres parish. From the "Peace Center", young men and women have the privilege to gather in peace and to be loved in peace by my friend and his confrère.

I hope that he shares this post with his young friends, because I counted it a privilege to meet them and to share their hospitality. Compared to their life experiences, I'm living in a monastery. Yet, their experience of reality is chopped by concrete sunsets - and sunrises, too. Thanks to the Comboni ministry, the youth from the Peace Center have an opportunity to gather outside of their concrete and steel surroundings and to experience life outside of the city. And, thanks to the welcome that I received from these young people, their concrete and steel surroundings melted and for a moment I felt that we both had touched eternal Love.

In the evening, my friend and his new young friends will be judged in love, too. Based on my brief experience with them, love abounds already... and their divine judgment may feel quite familiar because already they have been deeply loved by God through my friend.

Small wonder that I smile: I feel deeply loved by God and my friend, too.

"Thanks be to God for his inestimable gift!"

Hommage au Saint Esprit

2004-11-06T08:41:00.000-05:00

Remerciements au Seigneur des passages en France

Que c'est incroyable à penser qu'il y a 10 ans j'ai fait passage à Toulouse, où j'ai fait la connaissance du frère Pierre Éliane, OCD. Doué d'une voix belle (je devine qu'il en dirait autre chose) je me souviens bien de la première fois que j'ai entendu un de ses "Therese Songs."

En ce temps-là j'étais toujours novice au Carmel de Haifa, en Terre Sainte. Je ne sais ni le comment ni le pourquoi, mais un jour Notre Mère nous ont annoncé au réféctoire que ce frère carme nous ont fait cadeau d'une cassette, des chants carmélitains qui tiraient leur inspiration des poésies de Ste Thérèse de l'Enjant Jésus. Musicienne, je souriais, mais sans y penser davantange.

A l'écoute de la première corde de son guitar, je me suis tenue en arrêt, immobilisée de ces sons jusqu'ici inouïe au Carmel du Mt Carmel. "Mais, qui est ce Carme?" Sa musique m'enchantait... non, ces paroles sont injustes... sa musique m'a fait fondre d'amour de Jésus, comme les paroles de Thérèse peut faire. Je trouvais que le musicien Pierre a vraiment trouvé le secret de présenter les paroles de Thérèse sans mettre la musique à quelque place plus importante. Non, ce n'était que la Parole qui chantait à mon âme.

Alors, que de beaux souvenirs je garde de mon passage à Toulouse, même 10 ans plus tard. Rencontre le frère, un homme bien simple qui faisait ses stages de formation comme je les avait fait moi-même, ce n'était plus qu'un témoignage des rencontres coeur-à-coeur où souffle le S. Esprit... on était en famille, au mois je le sentais ainsi. Et vraiment on y était, musicien et musicienne, carme et carmélite, frère et soeur devant le bon Dieu... sans besoin de s'armer de belle paroles ou d'une sagesse musicale exquise.

Je n'ai jamais oublié cette rencontre. Je lis maintenant que le frère Pierre Eliane continue son ministère musical, et je m'en réjouis. Et bien, moi aussi...

Aujourd'hui j'irai à Chicago avec une étudiante de voix pour conférer avec un collègue maître de voix. Nous allons voir comment aider cette jeune chanteuse dans sa vocation désirée, devenir vedette. Il faut que le Saint Esprit travaille davantage!

Après notre consultation, je vais passer par la maison des Comboniani pour revoir mon ami, Abuna Daoud, ce père combonien qui me compte comme amie et bienfaitrice depuis beaucoup d'années, même avant mon entrée au Carmel. Encore, il faut le souffle du Saint Esprit, car ce P. David entreprend un nouveau ministère auprès des jeunes noirs... non plus au Darfur, mais actuellement à Chicago. Il semble que les jeunes de Darfur lui manquent, mais les jeunes de Chicago se méfient de lui.

Alors, on se reverra, on priera, on prendra un repas simple entouré des Comboniani et religieux et laïques. Viens, Esprit Saint, remplis le coeur de tes fidèles...

Gatorade, Reglan and Sleeping Prayer

2004-11-05T18:20:00.000-05:00

During a viral crisis of gastrointestinal proportions, prayer gets reduced to the basics.

Yes, it's true - I came down with the "creeping crud" this week. It was a nasty virus that took my body by storm and surprise, from seemingly out of nowhere. After a few phone calls, I learned that I probably caught this ugly bug from someone at the parish where I work.

See how these Christians love each other?!

One thing that was most evident was my inability to get into a contemplative frame of mind and heart. After all, isn't that what Carmelites are supposed to do? I can't find the quote right now, but I recall as I write this that our great reformer and Doctor of the Church, Saint Teresa de Jesus de Avila once remarked that when one is ill, it's nigh impossible to pray.

As for me this week, I couldn't even think to pray for the misery to end. Well, maybe last night... when I'd had more nausea than I could stand in one week, I reached for a container of Reglan anti-nausea tablets that my doctor had prescribed last year. Yes, I was that desperate for relief. Fortunately, the nausea lifted and my poor body craved nothing but sleep.

When those moments occur when I sleep through my prayer, I smile and don't worry about it too much. It used to drive me crazy, thinking that I was committing a mortal sin. Today, my attitude is more laissez-faire, perhaps because the good Lord has finally assured me that I'm loved whether I sleep through my mental prayer - or Lauds, as was the case this morning, since I could barely keep my eyes open - or whether I am wide awake and full of distractions.

Now that I'm well enough to care about cleaning up after myself, I found my kitchen in a shambles. I had spilled Gatorade, my beverage of choice in such moments spilled all over the kitchen. I'm not really certain when that happened, but the small rug at the kitchen sink is pink with Gatorade stains. Quite a few of them, to be exact.

Imagine how messy we become when we poor sinners start pouring out our sin upon the environment around us? Now, there's a thought worth pondering.

Back to evening prayer... with eyes wide open this time...

Pope John Paul II, St Charles and Kenosis

2004-11-04T09:28:00.000-05:00

As I was praying this morning, I realized anew how down-to-earth St. Charles Borromeo was in his holiness.

And, today we celebrate not only St. Charles' day, but also we celebrate with Pope John Paul II, né Karol Wojtyla, who observes St. Charles Borromeo's feast day because this great Pastor is the patron saint of our pope.

There was a very interesting paragraph in this morning's readings, taken from one of St. Charles' homilies during his last synod at Archbishop of Milan. Since I was reading in a French translation, here's a rough translation of the homily, which was probably delivered in Latin or Milanese:

"Are you in charge of souls? This isn't a reason to neglect responsibility (or, charge) of yourself and to give yourself so generously to other that there's nothing left of yourself for yourself. Because, you must remember the souls of whom you're the superior without forgetting yourself."

How balanced can that advice be? For a pastor of pastors - the calling of a bishop, in effect - to counsel his confrères to be measured in the pouring out of themselves on behalf of their flock, this is most certainly borne of personal experience, wouldn't you think? In other words, if Charles Borromeo didn't know what it was to expend oneself so completely that there was no time, no energy, no resources left for himself, then how would he have known to offer such advice to his own archdiocesan pastors.

This issue of a self-emptying work ethic among pastors dates back to the beginnings of the Church, I suspect. Having seen the heroic efforts of the apostles - our first pastors - over the years, it's only natural to desire to replicate those heroic efforts. The problem arises that we don't know our own weaknesses and the limits of our own strength.

In today's religious culture, this might translate into burned-out pastors; neglected clergy families and/or spouses; temptations to explore those "near-occasions of sin;" and, a host of other issues that form a background to scandal upon scandal in ecclesiastical circles.

Hey, even in my pastoral days I wanted to be more expendable than Jesus, to give myself to the nth degree. Often, that meant that I became a victim of my heroicity and I needed a St. Charles Borromeo to bring me back to reality. Of course, the reality for me was to withdraw from ordained ministry among the United Methodists and to join the Church that St. Charles loved.

But, I think that the advice holds true for all those who participate in any ministry or apostolate today. How generous is too generous? How much self-emptying is too much?

Speaking of self-emptying or kenosis, I'm in the midst of translating a conference given by Jean Sleiman, the Roman Catholic Archbishop of Baghdad during a recent appearance in Chicago. Although I'm barely into the body of the work, the Archbishop's discussion chills my bones. May Christians globally come to aid of their suffering brothers and sisters in Iraq!

So, back to translation...

In the early-morning quiet

2004-11-04T06:49:00.000-05:00

"Dieu, tu es mon Dieu, je te cherche dès l'aube; mon âme a soif de toi. Après toi languis ma chair comme un cerf altéré, sans eau."

Comme elle est belle, la nuit! Je me lève de bonne heure ce matin pour prendre des médicaments, et je reste en éveil puisque la nuit me fait respirer l'Amour de Dieu. Au dehors de ma fenêtre, j'entend la bruit de la cité qui m'entoure, et je pense à Dieu... plus loin, je voudrais que tous pensent à Dieu.

Néanmoins, je sais bien que l'on est occupé des affaires du monde là-bas, comme moi la plupart des matins. Je me lève, je pense à Dieu, et puis je pense aux mille choses qui me sont destinées aujourd'hui. Et j'avoue que je souhaite très souvent que je sois debout même 30 minutes avant cette heure-ci.

L'aube n'est pas encore arrivée ce matin... que j'aille la chercher, avec le bon Dieu.

Welcome to the Karmalight Blog

2004-11-03T23:32:00.000-05:00

Welcome, friends - here's a place where you can be yourself, kick back, post as many comments as you want to...

all are welcome here!